*Fellowship theme plays dramatically in the distance*


Cleanse me Lord… Rid me of this white skin

(Source: pleatedjeans)


I. C. O. N. I. C.

(Source: bgcslave)


in middle school we had to do this ‘what i want to be when i grow up’ presentation and one girl in my class stood up and said that she wanted to be like her mum and my teacher literally sat there and said ‘no you dont’ and nobody understood why she said that until we reached high school and we found out that this girls mum is a porn actress

(Source: awkwardvagina)





nicki in the background 

oHMYGOD taylor’s like “i feel you bro you call them out on their shit” and nicki’s like “gurl he means you”

does anyone else see the guy way back there. that guy that suddenly appears and points at taylor

it gets funnier each time it appears on my dash


sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

(Source: elderstunningham)

  • (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
  • Angry Customer:“Damn f**s.”
  • Gay Man:“Excuse me?”
  • Angry Customer:“You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
  • Gay Man:*quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
  • Angry Customer:“Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
  • (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
  • Angry Customer:*to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
  • (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
  • Owner:“I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
  • Wife:“Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
  • Owner:“Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
  • (The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)
  • nuclearoverreactor:


    Things a new Pope shouldn’t say in his first public speech. 

    Reblogging because this is actually relevant now…

    Two churches located across the street from each other. At least the Catholics have a sense of humor.



    I feel like I’m Gollum.




    My mom: “Go do some laundry”



    Looks at math homework:


    There’s no food in the fridge:


    Make an A on a test:


    Having social interaction:


    The fridge one though.

    The fridge one killed me.

    Love the fact that my dads 80 something year old aunty has this in her lounge room #viagra #water #funny